So, there I was in line at Trader Joe's, and all of a sudden I started getting angry at everything around me. The very handsome man and very beautiful woman in the line next to me were clearly a couple, clearly in love and clearly pleased with their grocery purchases. I was sure they were going to go home, make some delicious dinner and not be lonely. I was convinced their lives were perfect. This imagined perfection irritated me.
Then I was angry, because the guy in front of me had two overflowing shopping baskets and so many groceries in his arms that he kept dropping things. As he sat down his armful of food, he leaned back past me and picked out a bar of dark chocolate next to the counter....the dark chocolate I really wanted, but had just told myself I couldn't afford. I thought to myself, "He clearly doesn't have to worry about money. He can buy whatever he wants." I was clenching the bag of apples tighter. It seemed to be taking forever for the guy in the crazy print shirt to scan each box of frozen fish sticks from the overflowing baskets. Then I caught myself.
I was not only being impatient, and that was leading to unnecessary stress, but I was also feeling some very ugly/unflattering emotions. What was that anger about? When I scratched at it a bit, I realized it wasn't anger at all. I wasn't annoyed (well, maybe a little by the Trader Joe's Hawaiian shirts and all of the bell ringing), I was envious. I wanted to be picking out two grocery baskets full of whatever food I wanted with some handsome man who loved me....and I wanted to toss in the dark chocolate bar without having to think about how much money was in my bank account (or how much weight I was trying to lose over the next 11 weeks). There I was, a 29 year-old having an internal 2 year-old tantrum. Once I realized how ridiculous I was being, I almost laughed at myself. My pity party was getting so crowded, it was soon going to need a guest list and a bouncer with big biceps. A saying I've read more than once recently popped in my head....that happiness is not about having what you want, but wanting what you have. I'm going to try really hard the next 11 weeks to stop focusing on all of the things I don't have & start focusing on the things I do have.
