I have been very lucky to be working with my dear friend and uber-talented fashion stylist, Samantha. She's in LA right now, so we're coordinating by phone and gathering things needed for a music video shoot on Monday. Off I went this morning to find a three piece suit. The men's suit section of Macy's is not my comfort zone, so I asked for help from a nice old man who was standing behind the counter. He helped me gather the sizes I needed. As he was ringing everything up, I was text messaging Samantha what I had found. The man kept going on and on. I wasn't really paying attention. I just nodded every time he paused. At one point I heard him say something about being a Christian, and that the world needs more of them. This is not that weird of a thing to hear when you live in the Bible belt. I just hummed an agreeable sounding, "Mmm" & kept texting.
Then I heard him say, "Looks like you're working on another one there yourself." I wasn't sure what he meant, and again nodded along, trying to tune him out. I thought maybe he was referring to the music video, since I had mentioned I was shopping for one? Maybe he assumed it was a Christian music video? Then he said, "When is that one due?" He had already asked and I had already explained that the music video wouldn't be out for several months. I was getting a little frustrated. He knew I was work texting about the purchase he was still slowly ringing up. Then he asked again. I looked up from my iPhone, and realized he was looking at my stomach.
I didn't know what to do or how to answer. I thought about saying, "No, I'm apparently just fat," but I didn't want to hurt his feelings by telling him he had just asked the one question you NEVER ask a woman unless you can see a baby's head on the way out. I thought about making up a due date, but couldn't do the math in my head for what might make sense. I panicked, just looked back down at my phone and mumbled, "Oh, not for quite a while." He seemed satisfied with that answer and went on telling me that he had six kids, so that's how he could tell, which made me go from feeling like I wanted to crawl under a rack of discount blazers and die to feeling like I wanted to fall over laughing. Men.
I walked back to the car with my garment bags, and couldn't figure out if I was about to cry or about to laugh. Both felt very close to happening, but I did neither. I just sat in my car and thought, "SHIT. Why did that have to happen right now? Really, right now?" I really want to laugh about it, but I'm not quite ready yet. There is still a little part of me that feels defeated and embarrassed. It definitely was something I wish hadn't happened, but I can have a sense of humor about it. I also can really stay motivated about my eating healthier/exercising more plan.
On a more uplifting note, I stopped by the East Nashville Farmer's Market after working at the shop tonight & got a 5 min free massage from my friend Wesley. He's such a good massage therapist that at the end of 5 minutes, you feel like you've just had a 90 minute massage. I've been hoping to catch him there for several weeks, because my shoulders and upper back have been all knotted up. Afterwards, I almost couldn't talk, I was so relaxed. I had to sit down for a while before I could even drive home. I am extra grateful for those 5 minutes of my day.
After deciding yesterday to focus on the things I have, here is a list of the first three that come to mind tonight:
1. I have a home where I feel safe.
2. I have a car that gets me where I need to go & runs on free fuel.
3. I have some sweet animal friends who are always happy. Here is a photo of one of them. This is Gus. He is a 7 year-old mystery mix. This photo was taken five years ago on the 4th of July.
