Goat Visit

I woke up in a funk this morning, read some of the book I'm trudging through & then decided the cure for my funk was to go hold some baby goats. The woman I sold my goats to has invited me to her house several times, so I hopped in the car and took a nice long drive through the country to go visit some old friends & meet one of their new family members.

Meet baby Newton.

She got sleepy and took a quick nap.

Proud Mama Fig.

Hanging out with Fig, Newton & Trinket.

Can't pronounce the horse's name. He was sweet though & had pretty blue eyes.

Sweet Newton & my old friend, Fig.

Word on the street is that Fig is a great mom.

I stepped out of my car and this little guy, Trinket, came running towards me, full speed & right into my arms. Fig sat with me like this for a while and let me pet her. Such a great visit and definitely turned my mood around. Annabelle and Cowboy are doing well too. I just figured you'd probably rather see baby goat photos than old stinky billy goat photos.

I found hope. It was in a box of books in a stranger's closet.

I spent the afternoon yesterday helping a man clean out his closets. His wife died about two years ago, and most of what we went through today belonged to her. I was sorting through some boxes of books she was reading in the last few months of her life and opened one. On the page the book fell open to was this quote:

“Never cease loving a person, and never give up hope for him, for even the prodigal son who had fallen most low, could still be saved; the bitterest enemy and also he who was your friend could again be your friend; love that has grown cold can kindle.”

Soren Kierkegaard

I got the chills. I felt like I was meant to read that....like it was a little gift. A part of me was relieved when I read this, because I felt like it gave me permission to feel some things I've convinced myself I'm not allowed to feel anymore. A part of me also felt angry when I read this, because I have worked so hard to stop having hope, so I could let go and move forward with my life. It is extremely hard for me to give up on things, but at a certain point, having hope felt like standing still and waiting on something that I wasn't sure I even wanted anymore. Sometimes having hope felt less like a healthy choice and more like I was just being stubborn. There is a fine line between holding hope and being stubborn. This is so confusing! What I have learned is that it is much harder to give up hope than to find it. I can find it in a split second. I am an optimist, so finding the good and the hope in a situation comes as second nature to me, but I have been really struggling with this conflict the quote brought up for me.

When I read this quote more closely though, I realize it says to never give up hope for "him" not "your relationship" or "your life together." That I can do. Maybe I can learn to not have to let go of hope, but instead shift it...like how energy doesn't disappear when we die, it just gets transformed. Maybe transforming hope means I don't have to lose hope, but I can move forward at the same time.

Treating myself....

I had to get up early to go to a doctor's appointment this morning. Afterwards, I was craving a salad. Yes, a salad at 10am. There is a beautiful new Whole Foods next door to my doctor that I had been hearing about, so even though I felt like I had a whole big long list of things I should rush off to do, I listened to my body first and took some time to take care of myself. Maybe I'm getting the hang of this after all. I made a big salad and also treated myself to a superfoods drink that I really wanted to try. They weighed me at the doctor today, and I'm still hovering right at 140. I have been noticing a difference in inches though over the past week. My clothes are fitting differently and I am starting to feel better....that matters way more to me than the number on the scale, so I'm going to go ahead and call that progress!