Movie Review....

“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

-Rumi

After saying goodbye to Sophia, I sold my TV, and then went to a restorative yoga class. I almost fell asleep about 8 times during the class, it was so relaxing, so that was a good choice. Then I decided to take myself to a movie about love. WHAT? WHY? Ugh. I even bought a small popcorn with butter....after being on a superfood smoothie and juice fast for almost a week! Nothing after yoga was a particularly smart choice. I cried twice during the film (Crazy Stupid Love) at points when I'm pretty sure no one else in the theatre was crying. My stomach hurt from the popcorn. I left feeling so depressed about my life. I blame the radioactive butter. They squirt one squirt on the top and it somehow coats every single piece in the whole bag entirely? How is that physically possible?

Anyhow, in the film (don't worry, this won't ruin anything), the wife calls her husband at one point (they are separated) and asks how to relight the pilot light on the water heater. The pilot light isn't out. She just wants to hear his voice. This made me think of a moment about a month ago when my mom was here, and the pilot light was out on my water heater. I didn't know how to light it. I can figure most things out, but it is a wee bit intimidating when the thing you're tinkering with could make your house explode. I wanted to call my husband and have him walk me through it. There are times when I want to hear his voice more than anything in the whole world, but he always sounds extremely inconvenienced to hear mine, so I don't call about anything anymore. Instead, I crawled down on the ground next to the water heater and read the directions about 56 times, had my mom bring me a flashlight and I just figured out how to light the damn thing. Ah, to live in a movie. In the movie, Steve Carell sweetly talks his wife through how to light the pilot light, even though he knows she isn't anywhere near the water heater....because he loves her....because he wants to hear her voice too. I won't tell you the other time I cried, because it is the last scene and it would ruin the movie if you haven't already seen it. It isn't a bad movie. I just wish I hadn't paid $10.50, plus a $6 small popcorn to feel so sad.

Something amazing happened today....

I started searching for a Great Pyrenees to adopt about a year and a half ago, because there was a mountain lion on the property, and I was terrified this mountain lion was going to turn the goats in to a snack. I did research and read that Great Pyrenees are a wonderful breed for living with livestock, because they think of themselves as a part of the herd, won't chase the animals they are supposed to protect, and they will also sacrifice their lives to protect the herd. I immediately found Sophia on Craigslist, adopted her, and she came to live here. It was clear right away that she didn't want to be a goat dog though, since she chased the goats incessantly, so she became an inside dog instead of a farm dog. She is the sweetest, most affectionate and polite dog. I just adore her. She would be so content to have you pet her for eight hours straight. Sadly, I do not have eight hours straight to pet her. I knew she needed more than I could give her. I also knew she needed a place where she felt safe and loved while she got her weight up, got spayed, house trained, and learned to trust people again, and I knew I could give her that.

Sophia is 3. She is a Great Pyrenees, but she is very very small for her breed. She was tied up outside the first year and a half of her life, neglected, had a litter of puppies when she wasn't even a year old, and wasn't fed enough. All of my dogs have stories and come from places I'd rather not think about.

She was so neglected before I got her that she really would be happiest with someone's full-on affection and attention. I contacted a local Great Pyrenees rescue about two months ago and never heard anything back from them. I was really hesitant to put her on Craigslist. My worst fear was that she would get passed around and end up again in a home like the one she had before I adopted her. I couldn't let that happen. I've put this whole process off for a long time. This was an argument Jonathan and I had frequently. He wanted her gone, and I just didn't feel ready to find her a new home...until yesterday.

I sat down at the computer and kept looking at her, then back at the computer. I just felt like it was the right day to put a posting up. I convinced myself I didn't have to adopt her out unless I was 100% sure she was going to the best home for her. An hour later I got a reply from a couple in Indiana....with the best home for her. Their 9 year-old dog had just recently passed away from cancer & they were looking online, but still not really sure if they were ready to get another dog until they saw Sophia's posting. They said they just knew she was their dog. They answered all of the important questions, they asked even more questions. I instantly felt at ease. They have a big house, a big fenced in yard, the woman works from home, and loved and spoiled her last dog as much as I could ever hope for Sophia to be spoiled. They were so excited about adopting her that they drove down this morning to pick her up. It all happened very fast. We met at Centennial Park today, and as soon as we got out of the car, she ran right up to them and started licking them. She was home. It was as simple and easy as that. We sat and talked for a while, and then I put her in their car and she was on her way.

It was inspiring and amazing to see all of these parts of her puzzle come together there in that moment, and to realize she was exactly where she needed to be. I'm so happy for her, because I really feel that she is in the perfect home for her, but I still cried as I drove away, knowing I would probably never see her again, and was still sad when I got home tonight and went around to feed everyone, and she wasn't here. It is a change, and there have been a lot of those lately, but that's okay. We spent a lot of time together this morning. Here are some pictures from our morning and one of her new family. I know I did the right thing, but it wasn't easy. If I had posted her months before, they wouldn't have been looking then. Even though I miss her already, I am beyond grateful for the time she spent here and for the Overtons.

More goodbyes today....

This one was not anywhere near as emotional, but definitely one of significance.

I sold my TV when I lived in Tucson. I got frustrated with myself one night when I realized I had been watching three hours of reruns of a sitcom I never liked the first time it was on TV. I found myself wasting too much time in front of it, not thinking enough, not reading enough, not writing and creating enough. For the first week it was strange, but then I really enjoyed not having a television. I began wondering how I found all of that time before to watch the thing. I didn't miss it at all for years.

Then, one night about two years ago, I got upset with Jonathan and left the house. I drove to a restaurant and ate dinner alone. As I walked out, I saw the yellow light of the Best Buy sign, and since I wasn't ready to head back home and talk things out, I went inside. I found an "open box special" on a plasma screen TV with a DVD player for super-cheap. I bought it. I don't know why. I didn't really want a TV or have the money to buy one, but I was mad & unhappy, and it seemed like something to do. Retail therapy? Who knows. I got home and stomped in the house, and Jonathan exclaimed, "A TV! Awesome!" A reward or gift was not what I was going for, but there it was, this thing in the house again that was always on, always making noise, always distracting from real life....making it too easy to not talk about anything. I've found myself in moments over the last few years, hating that television and also wondering what I ever did with all of that free time I had when I didn't own one. Since Jonathan moved out in March, I've turned it on maybe a handful of times....mostly to watch movies, which I can do on my laptop anyway. So, today I sold my television to my friend Sam. Ironically enough, I used the money to catch up a past-due Comcast bill for the internet and phone (and basic free cable channels) at the house. Even though I haven't watched it much in the past five months, it feels really good to be TVless again.

One O' My Favorite Quotes From One O' My Favorite Pen Pals from College....

"Hope is not optimism, which expects things to turn out well, but something rooted in the conviction that there is good worth working for."

- Seamus Heaney

So true...

"Most smiles are started by another smile."

-Unknown

(Laughing @ Patagonia Lake, Arizona, 2007)