"The wound is the place where the Light enters you." -Rumi

(A picture from 27th Birthday)

Meet Lucy

I was on my way to a meeting yesterday morning, and decided to take the interstate instead of my usual back roads route. I was cruising along when I saw this dog about to run into the highway. The only thing on the other side of the lanes was a big concrete barrier, and then two more lanes of fast moving cars. I pulled over and got out. I am around dogs a lot, so I can read their body language pretty well, and based on her body language, I felt safe. She immediately crawled on her belly up to me and licked my hand. I got her some dog food out of the backseat. She was skinny and hungry. After about ten minutes, she finally felt comfortable enough to hop in the back of the car. This dog is so sweet. She's about a year old, if that. She is a pit/hound mix, I think. Last night she let Miss M & Mister J walk her on a leash in the park. She's awesome with kids & she has been perfect with my dogs and cats at home. Here is a picture of her last night at Las Paletas. (The Blueberry Chocolate Chip Miss M had was amazing!) I have several rescues and friends helping me find her a new home. If you are interested or know anyone who might be, please get in touch with me. Spread the word. Miss M named her Lucy last night, so that's what I'm calling her for now. As I type this from my desk, Lucy is sleeping in my bed with her head on my pillow. She's definitely not shy about making herself comfortable. Ha.

Tuesday was a doozie...

My latest observation....the same person who decorates Holiday Inn hotel rooms also decorates doctor office waiting rooms. Sub-observation...their favorite colors are mauve and teal. There need to be interior decorators for doctor office waiting rooms. These spaces should feel comfortable. I'm sure hospitals regulate where furniture can come from (a time machine sent here from 1991?), but seriously. Even the lamps are terrifyingly tacky, the clinical Kleenex boxes, the artwork on the walls. Have you ever noticed the walls in a doctor's office? The walls themselves are some uncomfortable paper mache texture. Why? Maybe the psychology behind it is that if they make the room as uncomfortable and distractingly ugly as possible, you might forget about what hurts and why you're there? For me, that doesn't work. I'm usually already nervous when I arrive, and the atmosphere enhances that anxiety.

So there I was on Tuesday, nervous and mentally redecorating the waiting room when the receptionist handed me a stack of paperwork to fill out. I sat down with it and looked around. All of a sudden I noticed that every single person there had someone sitting with them, except me. I thought to myself, "This isn't the type of place you're supposed to go alone. I am alone." A lump the size of Jupiter formed in my throat. I looked down at the stack of papers. My divorce has never felt more real than it did in that room, with me perched on some teal vinyl chair. Then....the marital status box. This was the first time that the marital status box has come up on a form for me since we separated. Which one was I supposed to check? Why do they need to know everyone's marital status anyway? Do I always have to check "divorced" for the rest of my life? I checked married, because the divorce paperwork hasn't been legally finalized yet....and I didn't want to give some insurance company any reason to deny me coverage during my last few weeks of health insurance. Sigh. Tuesday was hard.

I kept thinking all day how much I needed a hug....just some physical contact with another person. Every Tuesday night, I go to this biodynamic farm around the corner from my house for a potluck dinner. The potluck is held in this big outdoor kitchen, open-air barn right in the middle of one of the fields. It is magical. I walked up, and immediately two friends stopped eating their dinners, stopped their conversations and walked over to give me hugs and welcome me. It feels really good to be a part of that community. It feels really good to know that I can show up on Tuesday nights and get all of the delicious, healthy food and the big hugs I need. The day started and ended with some good decisions about taking care of myself. The middle part was intense, but I was able to roll through it without too much lingering sadness. I just don't want to pretend to myself or anyone reading this that this time has been all sunshine and happiness. There have been very real bumps in the road that hurt, but I'm accepting them and processing them, and I know that they are just as important to growth as the uplifting moments.

Transportation Inspiration

A few days ago I was driving to a meeting and got stuck at a railroad crossing. I thought, "UGH. I don't have time to wait for a whole, long train to pass by. It is over 100 degrees and I don't have air conditioning. I'm going to melt!" Then the train went by. It was only three cars. They all contained biodiesel!

Two days ago I was driving to work on the country roads out near my house and was surprised when I pulled up behind an electric car. (see picture)

Both of these moments surprised me and made me excited for the city of Nashville.

My Thoughts While in Shoulder Stand

So, I was in shoulder stand a few days ago during a yoga class. When you're in shoulder stand there aren't many places you can look except at your stomach and thighs. I had on a loose fitting shirt, and the shirt exposed my belly while I went into this pose. I kept trying to tuck it in, but finally I gave up on that. I just stared at my belly and my scars from my appendectomy. As I started to scowl and began to judge, I caught myself and thought instead, "I love you belly roll. I love you appendectomy scars." And then I smiled and went on with my shoulder stand.

Mama's Back!

This is Mama Cat. I adopted her about three years ago when I moved back to Nashville. She got her name, because she came to my house with a litter of day-old kittens. (The rescue didn't know she was pregnant until they took her to get spayed, and realized she was about to give birth.) I always meant to name her something else, but Mama Cat just stuck.

She disappeared one day in early March. I kept telling myself maybe she was still alive. Maybe some neighbor found her, didn't realize she had a home and kept her in their house? Maybe she was just feral now, living up on the top of the ridge on the property?

I tried not to let my mind wander to the bad maybes, but whenever I would mention to anyone how long it had been since I had seen her, they would always say that she was dead. They would assume a coyote. I guess I had sort of resigned myself to the fact that she was probably gone. Maybe she had gotten sick and went into the woods to die? I had no clue.

Then the phone rang at 6:30am this morning. My neighbor said there was a strange cat in her front yard that she thought looked like my cat that was missing. I threw on my farm boots and went running over. It was Mama Cat! I couldn't believe my eyes. It was like seeing a ghost. She had been gone for over five months! I am a little in shock, but so glad to know she is okay. This morning, I didn't expect anything particularly interesting to happen, and something that had seemed absolutely impossible happened! Life is amazing.