Yoga Lesson

Last week was tough, but in different ways than I expected. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to say about those few days. Or what is the most honest thing to say about them. I promise I'll say something soon. Anyhow, that major milestone passed, and while it was passing, I didn't go to yoga, hike or eat anywhere near as healthy as I have been. When Monday morning rolled around, I was feeling sluggish and uninspired. It was kind of amazing what the unhealthy foods, lack of movement and serious stress did to my body over the course of less than a week. I knew I needed to lovingly shove myself back in the right direction, so I went to two yoga classes in a row. After my morning superfood smoothie and three hours of yoga, I felt much better. At the beginning of the second yoga class, the instructor shared this with us. I needed to hear it, and it really resonated with many feelings and thoughts I've been having lately. After class, I asked her if I could share it on this blog, and she agreed.

"1 1/2 years ago my father died, a few months ago my mother died. A couple of months ago I closed my yoga studio. I think most would agree that I “deserve to” or “should” feel sad or bad. But here’s the interesting thing, for the most part, I don’t.

Do I now judge myself for not feeling how I think other people expect me to feel? No, I focus on myself, and try to not concern myself with what others are thinking, because what they think does not REALLY affect me.

When we think we need to be, or act a certain way we restrict ourselves. Then energy can’t flow freely through us, and life certainly can’t flow through us.

This thought about restrictions applies to all areas of your life. Are we suppose to be a certain way? Is there something you want to do, but don’t because of fear of other people judging you? For example, when I decided to go natural with my hair, my longest friends were pretty mortified. Why, does this reflect directly upon them? Are they so uncomfortable with someone being okay in their own body or okay being different, that they feel the need to criticize it? I don’t know, but I do know that when I challenge myself, and try not to concern myself with other’s reactions, I grow - I gain clarity and I feel wiser. I believe that those are all things I am here to experience.

Release restrictions of how you think you are suppose to be, and believe you are free to be yourself!

(if you would like to, silently repeat)

I release all restrictions, and I am free to be me!"

Colleen Dwyer, CI, E-RYT - www.blossomingyoga.com

Colleen is such an awesome yoga instructor, and I'm looking forward to taking more of her classes. Check out her schedule of classes and workshops on her website above.)

My Thoughts While in Shoulder Stand

So, I was in shoulder stand a few days ago during a yoga class. When you're in shoulder stand there aren't many places you can look except at your stomach and thighs. I had on a loose fitting shirt, and the shirt exposed my belly while I went into this pose. I kept trying to tuck it in, but finally I gave up on that. I just stared at my belly and my scars from my appendectomy. As I started to scowl and began to judge, I caught myself and thought instead, "I love you belly roll. I love you appendectomy scars." And then I smiled and went on with my shoulder stand.

Birthday Plan Brainstorming....

Blogging from Bongo Java East. I have a few minutes to kill before a yoga class. I'm trying to decide how to spend the big birthday that is coming up. I had these grand ideas earlier in the year about spending it on a lovely beach somewhere or in some amazing country I've always wanted to see. Finances aren't going to allow for anything grand, unless the winning lottery ticket blows into my mailbox in the next 5 weeks, so I'm starting to think of more realistic 30th birthday plans. I don't know why, but I feel like I need to have a plan for that day. I guess my fear is that it will sneak up on me and I won't be able to find anything to do, end up alone at my house, eating a frozen pizza in my wedding dress, crying into a glass of wine and talking to my cat, Stinky. Or something. I refuse to let this type of scenario happen. I will celebrate this birthday! Here are a few of the options in no particular order:

a) Ray Lamontagne concert. I love him. Love him. Always have. The last concert of his I went to was years ago....the night I met Aaron, actually. Going to see him again on my 30th birthday seems like it would bring this intense phase of my life (that began that night) full circle, and bookend the whole mess with some beautiful music.

b) Meditation retreat. This starts on Sept 21 in Hot Springs, Arkansas and lasts 3 days. I went on one earlier this year & loved it. Something about doing this during my actual birthday seems appropriate and healthy...but it also involves coming up with some money.

c) My amigo Sam & I have discussed having a joint birthday fiesta. His birthday is on Sept 19th. Mine is the 21st. Possibly a little wine tasting at Arrington Vineyards with some food out on the big porch. This would probably happen on a weekend before/after. People could just come and go as they please. This could happen in combination with anything else on this list.

d) My best friend lives in Santa Rosa, CA. That is not close to Nashville and is a constant dilemma. She is going to be in Indiana the week of my birthday though! We've talked about meeting half way. Seeing her, her husband and her son would make my heart very happy.

Ok, better get over to yoga before they lock the door! More posts later today.

My Wednesday Morning with Miss M

I've been exhausted lately. I was talking to a good friend this morning (she happens to be 4 year-old) and she asked me what I had been doing lately. I started rattling everything off and she said, "That's a lot of jobs, Miss Jennifer!" I realized that I am juggling five part-time jobs right now....and several side projects. No wonder I'm always so tired! They are all things I'm interested in, but I've been feeling worn out lately, and I haven't been keeping up with my yoga classes and hiking goals I set for myself at all for the past week or so. Mainly, yoga classes aren't offered during the little "free" time I do have. I've also been leaving the house really early and getting home really late for work....not ideal for hiking, but I realized this morning that there is also some choice in that. There is always choice in everything. I keep taking every single opportunity for work that comes my way, which is great, but what is it ultimately costing me in non-monetary ways?

I feel conflicted, because I know I need the money right now, but I also know that I need to change my overall perspective/patterns to make my health my number one priority. What I have done in the past hasn't worked, so why am I letting myself fall back into those old patterns again? The past few weeks, I've been letting work be more important than taking care of myself. Maybe it is easier for me to be busy as hell and use that as an excuse to not be good to myself. Why is that so hard?

Anyhow, I got home really late last night & had to get up at 6:45 this morning to get the animals all settled before heading off to hang with Miss M this morning. I was exhausted and feeling stressed out about all of the errands/tasks/jobs I was already trying to juggle in my head for the day....babysit, go to P.O. Box to pick up package, drop off dry cleaning for client, go work at the store, go to return unused wardrobe from the video shoot, etc, etc, etc. The past two days of work have been fun, but solid 12+ hour days in and out of the heat. I wanted to push past my exhaustion and think of something fun to do with Miss M this morning. Her dad had thrown out a couple of ideas before she woke up, but I wasn't sure what we would end up doing. I kept trying to think of something free, but all of the obvious options didn't make sense in the heat wave. Finally, I thought, "Oh well, let's go to the tea house and have a tea party." Miss M is *such* a lady. She is convinced she is a princess, wears sparkly shoes and ball gowns the majority of the time. I've known her since she was two & started coming in The Green Wagon. Miss M & her family quickly became some of my favorite customers & some of my dearest friends.

Ok, so there we are this morning, having dropped her older brother off at climbing camp. I'm driving the family mini van & I turn around to ask Miss M if she would like to go to the tea house and have a tea party. You would have thought I told her I was taking her to meet a room full of real life princesses. She flipped. We got there & the tea house didn't open for another 20 minutes, so we made clover crowns in the front yard of the tea house and waited. Once they opened, Miss M flew through the door and was the first to show me the teacup display, where you could pick out your own beautiful cup. Then she pulled me into her favorite room....there were lovely fancy hats hanging all along the walls and a few vintage suitcases overflowing with elegant gloves. Miss M picked out hats and gloves for the both of us. We both agreed on the Bohemian Raspberry Tea & Miss M insisted that I try the scones. She also insisted on speaking in a British accent the whole time we were there & made me pretend like I was the queen and she was the princess. Within 45 seconds of being there with her, I was wearing a ridiculous hat, long formal gloves and speaking in a British accent, referring to myself as a queen. How had this little pint-sized lady done this? How had she turned my whole day around and made me relaxed and happy and silly and royal?

It was simple. She had done this just by being completely present. I adored this morning. I ordered a second pot of tea in a silly formal accent from the very understanding waitress. I ordered more scones for Miss M. It was one of the most enjoyable mornings I've had in quite a while. I forgot about the bill or if it was going to be more than I would normally spend on myself (it ended up being surprisingly cheap, actually). In the moment, I didn't care. I was over-caffeinated and happy.

Then we went and held puppies and kittens at a local shelter for a while before going to pick up her big brother from camp. I am pretty sure scones weren't the healthiest breakfast option for my "get healthy by 30" quest, but this morning was an exception. I was a queen and Miss M and I were on top of the world. I am so grateful for my sweet friend.