It is hotter than snot(ter) in the Cumberland Valley

I worked as a stylist today on the set of a music video. I heard at one point that the heat index was at 110 (and it was about 4000% humidity)! The shoot was outside, and it was so hot that the cameras kept shutting down. I'm convinced the makeup artist has magical powers and should be given a medal. Do you know how hard it must be to make someone look like they aren't sweating when it is 110 degrees and swampy humid? I was impressed. Tomorrow is the photo shoot for the same artist. It is supposed to be even warmer tomorrow, but luckily the location is indoors for this one.

Had to make a quick stop by the men's department of Macy's this morning to exchange some of the wardrobe for different sizes. The man from before was there. He didn't seem to remember me at all. I'm going to take that as a good thing. Heck, I'll take it as anything, as long as he didn't ask me the due date again! Haha. Oh, there I go. There is the laughter. I knew I'd find a way to laugh about it....even if it is a virtual laugh.

Watch out, Thirty...I'm armed with a Fitbit!

My mom is awesome. She has been really supportive in my quest to get healthier. We've been talking for some time about encouraging each other to be more active by making it into a mini competition of sorts. I got to talk to her briefly while I was on my way to work today & she told me that she had just ordered us both this gadget called FitBit (www.fitbit.com). At first I thought it sounded like a fancy pedometer, but the more she explained it to me and the more I read about it online, the more excited I am getting for it to arrive. It is partly a pedometer, which will definitely encourage me to move more since that number is going to be staring me in the face all day, but it also tracks your sleep patterns. It can tell you how long it took you to fall asleep and how many times you woke up throughout the night, exactly how many hours and minutes of actual sleep you got, etc.

I've had sleeping issues for the past few years, so I'm really curious to see just how much sleep I am getting now, and then start figuring out what helps me get a better night's rest. I went to a doctor who told me that she thinks my sleep issues are related to the cysts I have on my ovaries and the small tumor (benign! don't worry) I have in my uterus, which mess with some of my hormone levels and cause me to be hypoglycemic, which causes disrupted sleep patterns. She explained that the sensation of my blood sugar dropping is enough to wake me up, but not enough for me to register why I am waking up, so I just keep trying to fall back asleep. We're working on a solution for getting rid of the cysts, but in the meantime there are things I can do to help keep my blood sugar up at night....like eat a cracker with peanut butter on it or something else with protein before going to bed.

For a while I was also taking this natural amino acid called 5HTP to help me sleep. It helped a LOT and I told people all the time that it had changed my life. I really need to go get some more. I don't know why I stopped taking it other than I just ran out and probably convinced myself that I didn't have enough money to go buy more. Isn't that awful? Why on earth would I stop doing something that was drastically improving my well being? I'm not okay with that. (Shaking a disapproving finger at myself.)

Anyhow, it will be interesting to see what I learn from the sleep tracking part of the device. They also have a great website where you can log in and track trends in your diet. It will tell you if you're eating too much of one thing (protein/fats/carbs/etc) or need a higher percentage of something else in your daily diet. I know sometimes I get too busy to think about what I already ate, what I'm eating and what I'm going to eat later. Looking forward to this little gadget doing that thinking for me & helping me find the right balance. I'll keep you updated on what I'm learning once it gets here. Thanks again, Mom!

Slapping Water

I had a dream about my ex last night. Not my husband, but my ex before him. I was touching his face, but his face was fuller than it was when I knew him. He seemed annoyed. I said I was sorry for touching his face. That is all I can remember of the dream. I've spent the past several years working on and moving through the crazy experience my ex gave me. For those of you who don't know what happened, that is for another blog post or an entire other book. Anyhow, all you need to know is that it was something I thought I was finished with, and I woke up angry that he appeared in my dreams. I woke up angry that the work wasn't finished.

A friend told me today, "Don't get frustrated that you aren't finished with it. It is only still there because there is a nugget of gold in it that you still haven't taken from it. It is the difference between slapping your hand on a pool of water and spinning your finger in that pool of water. If you slap your hand on water, you create ripples, and those ripples push the solution away. If you stir or spin the water with your finger, the solutions you want start spinning towards you." This was such an accurate and beautiful image that I almost threw up. He was exactly right. So thankful.

One of my favorite photos & weigh in...

I took this photo a little over two years ago on a flight back to Nashville from Arizona. It made no logical sense then & it still doesn't. That bright spot in the lower left is the moon. The night sky is above and below & that is a little angle of sunset. The angle got smaller and smaller until it was a sliver, and then it was gone. No clouds. No visible horizon line. It was a moment when I realized just how tiny I am and that there is so much about the world that I might never understand....and that not knowing everything is okay. Beautiful even.

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You know what else doesn't make sense to me? I've gained almost 3lbs since starting this blog 9 days ago! Trying not to let that discourage me. Telling myself I've been drinking a lot more water?!? Oh boy. I'm not going to obsess over the number on the scale, but I am hoping for some more encouraging results soon.

Sometimes Lonely Isn't Sad

Can't get this song out of my head. I'm going to declare it my song of the day. July 8, 2011.

(Hey, hey, look who is getting all fancy. I taught myself how to embed videos.)

Mystery squash & feng shui...

(Mystery squash/pumpkin? that is growing all along the fence. I picked some blossoms off & cooked them tonight. One of my favorite things to eat in the whole wide world. If you haven't tried it, just take the flowers, put them in a tiny bit of olive oil in a skillet with a pinch of salt. Sounds weird, but trust me...it is delicious.)

So, I was able to get up this morning at 6am! Snoozed for 30 minutes, which I felt wasn't bad, considering it was my first day of trying this whole early morning business....AND it was raining! I was trying to convince myself that I could just go back to sleep, since I couldn't go for a hike in a storm, but somehow I yanked myself out of bed anyway. I got so much done this morning on my long list of things to do. I had a slightly narcoleptic moment around 3pm, but other than that, it was a success! Going to give it another try tomorrow.

I spent the day with a great group of people and learned about Feng Shui. I had always been interested, and tried a few things when we moved into this house. Anyhow, I got home this evening and rearranged a lot of my house. I can already tell a huge difference. I had noticed that I was never wanting to sit at my desk...or even go in the room where my desk was. Something just felt off about it. Now I have my office in what used to be my living room & it feels so much better. I can't believe I didn't try this configuration before.

About eight years ago, I bought a framed copy of this (see below) at a Goodwill store. For a while I had it hanging in my house. It eventually got shoved in a closet after a few moves across country. A few months ago, I found it in a closet & started reading it aloud to myself each morning.

(I've seen this with line breaks and stanzas, but I like it as a prose paragraph, which is how it is in my framed version. I'm not sure exactly what the asterisks are about. In the one I have, they actually look more like flowers than asterisks. Anyhow, I'm guessing they just note a longer pause between sentences.)

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. *** Keep interested on your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. *** Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. *** Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. *** You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. *** Therefore, be at peace with God whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. *** With all it's sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

Everything's Permitted

This was painted on the fence post a few houses down from my home in Tucson. I passed by it several times a day. I'm still not able to fully wrap my brain around it, but I have always known that I like it....whatever it means.

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Went back to the scene of the crime today (aka Macy's) to get shoes and belts for the artist in the video shoot. Sucked in my belly and speed walked to the men's shoe section. Old man who thinks I'm pregnant wasn't there. Whew.

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Lately I've been working so much that I haven't been able to make the afternoon or evening yoga classes, and it is dark when I get home, so hiking in the woods isn't an option. I tried to get up at 5:30 this morning to make a 6:30am yoga class. It didn't happen. Then I tried to get up at 7 to hike before work. Also didn't happen. I like sleep. I have a hard time getting up in the mornings. I don't drink coffee, so I figure I'm being doubly healthy....well rested & not over caffeinated. It struck me today that this type of reasoning with myself might be something I need to reevaluate. I am going to try a regular early routine, which just might mean I'll also have to start liking a little coffee or espresso. Maybe the happiest/healthiest/most fulfilled version of myself wakes up at 5:30 every morning & I just never knew, because I never tried. Maybe that version of myself is one of those annoying morning people. I'm going to give it a shot....starting tomorrow. Setting the alarm now.

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If everything's permitted, a blog with three separate thoughts and no attempt to link them is totally fine then, right?