Two More Days....

Planted some small rose bushes this spring. This one hadn't been looking good at all, and I figured it was going to die soon. I wasn't paying attention and planted it in a high traffic dog path in the yard. Let's just say it gets lots of yellow rain. I'm not sure when roses normally bloom, but neither bush has produced any roses yet. Then this morning, BAM....a pretty little red birthday rose. So beautiful.

“It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.” -Pema Chodron

Warrior Dash UPdate

the incident command center made us a wee bit nervous on our drive in...

free beer at the end.

giant turkey legs for lunch.

Right after this, Meredith said, "I was a debutante."

stretching post-dash

creepy dude eating a banana

shoes, beer & turkey leg

there was something so surprisingly enjoyable about getting this dirty.

driving home in our viking hats.

We survived! At the very start, giant turkey legs sounded soooo gross (I rarely eat meat). The obstacles were a little more intense than I expected, but I completed all of them! I am still in my 20's, after all. There was one point where I was at the top of a very tall obstacle and got the giggles while Meredith was still hanging from a rope...a very nice man in neon yellow came to her aid and hoisted her over the edge. (I still feel bad about getting the giggles....I tend to get them at very inappropriate moments in life.) I have to say, the jumping over fire part was the most intense challenge for me. I felt like a horse approaching a jump, but I forced myself to overcome fear and leapt with all of my might. Then I crawled through a pit of mud with barbwire. Afterwards, we felt like we accomplished a great feat, ate giant turkey legs (which all of a sudden sounded very tasty), drank beer & let the mud dry on our clothes. I'm so proud of us. It was a very enjoyable Saturday. Thirty, you better watch out...I'm ready & I have a fuzzy viking hat to prove it!

In the spirit of taking myself less seriously....

...tonight I worked at The James Gang. It is a place that my friend owns here in Nashville. Jesse James and his outlaw gang used to hang out there when it was a saloon & general store. Tonight was 70's disco night & also drag queen/country music impersonation night. Last time I worked at this show, I was asked to wear leather chaps. This time, I was asked to wear an afro wig. I don't own a fro wig, so I borrowed this pink one from another friend. Life has felt entirely too serious lately, so walking around in vintage bell bottoms & a pink fro helped me laugh at myself a bit tonight. Good practice for tomorrow's Warrior Dash, which is sure to bring forth some hilarious pictures. Stay tuned.

“Give up to grace. The ocean takes care of each wave 'til it gets to shore. You need more help than you know.”

-Rumi

I can't decide if I find this comforting or depressing. Haha. Either way, it is beautiful.

Oy, Mi Cabeza...

Lucy (foster dog) ran out the door this morning and went running off after chickens (and anything else that moved in the yard). At one point, I went to the car to get some dog treats to try to lure her back in the house. Then I closed the trunk of my station wagon on my head. My head! Ugh. I felt something warm flowing down over my right eye. Immediately I knew I had really hurt myself, even though it didn't hurt that much. After I stood up, I pulled my hand away from my head and there was blood everywhere. I sat down in the middle of the driveway and bawled. It was the type of cry that comes from somewhere very deep and very hurt....the type of cry that almost has nothing to do with what just happened. I walked over to the front porch, held a towel to my head, and cried more.

Throughout this whole divorce process and my recent string of pretty bad luck, I have refused to feel sorry for myself. I think part of that is good, and I think part of that means I'm restricting myself from feeling other certain important emotions that might accompany feeling sorry for oneself. Why did it take a serious blow to the head and a lot of blood for me to allow myself that emotional release? That's pretty extreme. No bueno. I think I'm doing a good job of handling what life is throwing at me right now, but I am also beginning to see that there are things I need to look closer at and figure out how to address better than I have been.

Here is another example that does not involve a head wound....last week, a friend made a crack about my divorce...not meaning at all to hurt my feelings. What he said shouldn't have really been all that offensive, and he totally didn't realize I wouldn't find it funny. I walked away from him and refused to talk to him. I sent him an angry text message a few minutes later about how my divorce would never be funny and wasn't material for his amusement. I overreacted. I was awful to him. I was irrational. What he said wasn't even that bad, it just hit a nerve, clearly a very raw nerve, but it showed me something important. He showed me that I wasn't as okay with everything as I thought. I was seriously misdirecting some anger....which made me realize....I am angry about this. Sometimes I just want to stomp my feet and throw something. This isn't an easy thing to go through. I'm now giving myself permission to occasionally fall apart over it. I'm not giving myself permission to be mean to anyone again...luckily, my friend was very forgiving when I called the next day to apologize. Ack. Learning, learning. That's all I can promise myself right now....to learn from the good and the bad moments & to stay honest with myself through it all.

I never caught Lucy. I hope she's waiting for me on the porch when I get home from work later. I also hope my head stops throbbing.

Oh, today....

I woke up feeling very hopeful about today. I had a big list of things to get accomplished. Then, everything started going completely wrong....finally culminating at the very moment I took this photo. (Flat tire and no money). I felt completely distraught and overwhelmed. I took a deep breath and picked up my phone and asked for help. Help came. No, complete and total grace came. Some dear friends showed up and selflessly turned my entire day around. The most beautiful moments so often come out of the most unlikely experiences. I didn't get a single thing on my list done today, but that's quite alright.