This photo makes me think of perception. I took this image of a man (Khristoph) who was sitting on the other side of the table from me. In his spoon he was upside down to himself, but right side up from where I sat. It makes me think of how we would sometimes rather find something that reflects, but distorts reality in a way that we want/makes us more comfortable....not the way it actually is. How sometimes we'd rather look at the reflection of a person than the actual truth of a person. Something about being with my grandparents makes me feel safe, happy and like I can do anything. I was driving back to Nashville, feeling optimistic. Those happy thoughts were aimlessly flying around in the car, looking for something to land on....until they all simultaneously latched onto my relationship. GASP!All of a sudden, I felt like, "I can fight for this again. I can fix this. Life is too short. We just have to do this and this and that and then everything will be great." I found myself immediately back in that old, unhealthy and untrue thought cycle of trying to control and fix. I saw what I was doing, but I didn't care. Last night, I just wanted to believe that I could make this miracle happen. I wanted so badly to force the whole damn thing onto the face of a little silver spoon and make it look right side up to me again. I was looking at the situation, not as it actually is, not taking into account anything that has actually happened, but as the stubborn image of the way I sometimes think I want it to be. I wasn't even really taking into account the other person....it was more the idea of a relationship I wanted to fight for. I would have tried to save the world last night, but details transpired in a very interesting way to make it so I just went home and read a book. Sometimes the universe lets us make mistakes. Sometimes it loves us too much to allow it.
(For the record, that was not the case with this photo though....Khristoph rocks.)
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