Book/World Trip Project Update....

So, I've been dragging my feet on finishing and launching The Green Wagon's online store. I couldn't figure out why I had lost steam and motivation for something that I used to feel super-charged by, so I started asking myself what I have been feeling passionate about lately. I do have passion for the book project/world trip project I've written about on this blog so far.

I was talking with The Green Wagon web guru, D'nelle, two days ago about this, and it all suddenly clicked together. I'm forming a non-profit that will (through donations and a % of sales from the website), fund the projects the grassroots environmentalists are working on all over the world....the grassroots environmentalists that I'll be interviewing, volunteering with and writing about on that trip around the world!

So much has changed in my life since I first opened the doors to the first Green Wagon almost three years ago, and I need the whole thing to evolve a little bit with me. Fusing these two projects together creates a symbiotic relationship that just plain makes sense & infuses both with more meaning and with the passion and motivation I've been seeking.

It is funny how if you sit with something long enough and patiently, it will start coming into focus! So, I'm introducing to you the non-profit branch of The Green Wagon that I am tentatively calling (until the paperwork all goes through & I know I can use that name) The Lorax Fund. This is my next step. I am as sure of it as I was of The Green Wagon when it was just an idea in my little ole noggin. Feeling happy and inspired today...and now I get to go play with Mister J, Miss M, and Baby N. I'm sure they'll give me some hilarious and insightful words of wisdom today that I can share later with you. Stay tuned.

I have been MIA for a few days....

I got horribly sick. I don't know where I picked up this flu bug, but it wiped me out. I had a fever, a sore throat, threw up, fainted....and hallucinated some weird thing about posting pictures of Richard Nixon on this blog?! Seriously. Richard Nixon? I can't say I've put much thought into Richard Nixon...ever. Anyhow, I'm feeling much better now.

I have to admit, I had a pity party or two during my flufest 2011. It is hard to be that sick and live alone. I had some wonderful friends offer to drop food or medicine by the house, but I didn't really want anyone stopping by, because I didn't feel like eating anything or getting out of bed to see anyone. However, I did find myself wishing Jonathan was around to assure me that my fever would eventually break & I was not going to die, to feed the animals, let the dogs out regularly, make me drink water and eat something when I didn't feel like it, etc. Most of the time, I feel very okay with the divorce, but there have been a few moments where I found myself feeling very alone and angry about being alone.

Last night, I pulled myself out of bed and drove downtown to see an old boyfriend play a show. He doesn't live in Nashville, and I only run into him every few years, so I didn't want to skip out on the chance to catch up. Even though I was exhausted, I am so glad I went. I dated him in the early stages of my brainstorming about The Green Wagon, and he knew a lot of the obstacles that I had to push through. I had completely forgotten about that, but he brought it up last night, and in the most sincere tone, told me how proud he was of me for all I have accomplished, but mostly for overcoming those obstacles that he felt would have stopped most people before they ever really got started. I needed to hear that. I think we all need people to remind us every now and then of what we're capable of achieving. I've let myself feel insignificant and directionless and powerless lately (in my professional life), even though I know that I am none of those things. I needed to be reminded of what I am like when I am my most determined and fiercely-focused self.

My first dream in color & my first trip to a monastery....

12% of the population dreams only in black and white. When I read this several years ago, I realized my dreams were in black in white. It had never occurred to me before that they lacked color. Last night, I dreamed in color for the first time I can remember.

I was driving along the coast somewhere. At one point, I got to this buddhist monastery on the edge of the ocean. The monks lived in these beautiful little colorful huts with prayer flags draped between them & I could see some of the monks in their orange robes praying in groups on this platform out near the water. Near the road, there was a very old monk getting a massage while sitting in meditation? ha. It was such a beautiful place and the colors were so vivid that I got out of my car to take a photo. While I was standing there, this woman walked up to talk to me. At first, I thought she was going to get mad at me for taking a photo, but instead she invited me into a building and started telling me things about myself and my life that she couldn't have possibly known. I confirmed that everything she had said was true, and confessed that I have been feeling confused and unfocused about what direction I should go with my life now. I have so many ideas, but I don't know which one is the one to focus on now that everything has changed and I don't know what would make me happiest. She said, "Oh, the answer is so clear. The Green Wagon website. That is what you need to focus on now." (I hadn't mentioned The Green Wagon to her in our conversation.) Then she invited me to come back the next day at 3pm to talk more with her. Odd, huh?

I am not always the best at interpreting dreams, but I think I've got this one. I think it means it is definitely time for me to buckle down and finish the online store and launch that sucker! What does it mean that this is my first dream I can recall being in color? I don't know. That really excites me. Maybe it means I'm waking up in a way? Perhaps it means I just might possibly be on the right track to becoming the best, happiest, most fulfilled version of myself? Now wouldn't that be great!