The work of art which I do not make, none other will ever make.

-Simone Weil

I was talking to a friend on Sunday, and even though I've known this person for years, I guess we had never gotten to a point in conversation where I mentioned that I am a poet. He told me he had just written his first poem two days before, and then he read it to me....and it was really flippin' good! I listened to him read, and kept thinking how amazing it was that he felt more comfortable reading his first poem to a poet than I feel most of the time reading my poems to anyone. Writing this blog has been a great creative outlet for me, but I know I need to start writing poems again. Now. That experience and this quote (above) are going to be my inspiration to start making more time for writing.

My very own viking hat!

My friend, Meredith, sent me an email on Saturday. The title was "best idea ever/worst idea ever." She wanted to know if I was interested in competing in a race with her on Sept 17th. This isn't just a race...it is a warrior dash. I didn't really have to read any farther than "free fuzzy viking helmet included with registration." So, in a few weeks, we're going to get up super-early, drive to Manchester, TN, and crawl through mud. Why not, right? I'm excited! I figure everyone needs to wear a viking helmet and jump over fire at least once before turning thirty.

Here is the Warrior Dash website's official statement about the race:
Warrior Dash is a mud-crawling, fire-leaping, extreme run from hell. This fierce running series is held on the most challenging and rugged terrain across the globe. Warriors conquer extreme obstacles, push their limits and celebrate with kick ass music, beer and warrior helmets.

You are where you need to be....

I worked 14 hours on Saturday. When I got off work at 12:30am, I mustered up whatever energy I had left to try to make it to the end of a party my friends were throwing. On my way there, I got a giant nail in my front right tire, and ended up with a flat on the side of Briley Parkway. I called AAA, and discovered I didn't have anymore service calls left. I know how to change a tire. My dad made me learn how to drive a stick shift & how to change a tire when I was 16. I would have done just that if it had been daylight, and I wasn't on the tiny shoulder of a highway with semi trucks zipping along about 12 inches from my car.

So, I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to "share" a decent chunk of the little bit of money I had just made with a service that would come out and help me. Oh, and my phone battery was about to die as I made the call. The whole time I just focused on trying to stay present. It was a beautiful night, perfect temperature, gorgeous stars. Yes, I was wearing my work clothes, which smelled like beer and BBQ, and my feet hurt like hell, but I was going to figure out a way to at least tolerate this first part of my Sunday morning without letting too much stress creep in and take over. I stayed calm. Staying calm under pressure is a state of mind I used to be able to stay in easier. Over the last few years, I somehow forgot how to handle stress. It felt good to realize I was able to do that again...it felt like just as much of a progress marker as the moment when I realized I could fit into those jeans I had given up on.

Finally, after waiting over an hour, the tow truck pulled up. As the man began loosening the lug nuts, he started making small talk. We ended up having an interesting conversation while I held the flashlight for him, and as he was inflating the spare tire that he had just put on, he looked at me and asked if he could be nosy. I said sure, and he asked, "So, I'm almost forty, and I've never been married before. What do you think it takes to make a marriage work?" I didn't even hesitate. Before I could think of why, the word "honesty" had jumped out of my mouth.

I explained that I clearly was not an expert on marriage, seeing as how I was on my way out of one. I told him I thought there are obviously many things that are important to a healthy marriage, but without being able to be honest with each other...and most importantly with yourself, communication breaks down. When there isn't clear and honest communication, there can't be clear understanding, and that is when someone usually gets hurt.

He nodded and turned off the air compressor. We shook hands and parted ways. As I drove off, I realized that I wasn't upset at all anymore about the inconvenience of my flat tire....I was actually grateful for that man who changed my tire and asked important questions. My mom always says, "You are where you need to be." That was exactly true in that moment, and I found myself almost happy to share part of the money I had just made with that man. Then I made it to the party....at 1:45am. Luckily, my friends are rock stars, and they were still awake and excited to see me arrive in one piece. (By rock stars, I mean a great group of natural and native dye experts, biodynamic farmers, community advocates, environmentalists and bluegrass musicians.)

No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars or sailed an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.

-Helen Keller

I made this reclaimed wood/vintage ball jar flower vase/wall art that hangs on the outside of my house, and to the right of my front door. I burned one of my very favorite Sappho quotes onto it, and it reminds me every time I enter my house, "There is no place for grief in a house which serves the muse."

Usually, it has pretty hydrangeas, daffodils, black eyed susans or whatever other flowers happen to be blooming in my yard that week. Recently though, I've been trying to see if I can get part of a shade begonia that the dogs broke off to root in the jar. It isn't working out so well. Anyhow, I was walking in the front door today, and happened to look over and see this tiny tree frog (I've never seen one of these at my house) on the lip of the jar. I'm no expert, but I'm thinking it might be a good omen to have a tree frog hanging out by your front door.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face...You must do the thing you cannot do.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Photo of the Day 8.26.11

We met today to sign some paperwork having to do with the house. I found myself sitting alone at the table at one point and decided to take this photo of our tea mugs. When I downloaded it, I noticed his hand print on the vinyl booth. Something about this photo makes me very sad.

On a lighter note, I'm babysitting for my friend's daughters tonight....and for the cockatiel they found on the side of the road and named Hot Sauce. Gosh, I love the things kids say and the way they think.

Several times today, they individually stopped what they were doing and walked up to me to say, "Oh, Jen, I love you!" They would hug my neck, and then go back to making cupcakes out of play-doh or playing tag in the yard. Made me think how we must stay open to receive love. It may not always arrive in the forms we expect or the ways we want it to. We may be distracted by the meaning of a handprint left behind by a man who can't express any emotion to us at all, but then love arrives alright...in its own way. Totally unsolicited and honest. I'm grateful.