I have to admit, I had a pity party or two during my flufest 2011. It is hard to be that sick and live alone. I had some wonderful friends offer to drop food or medicine by the house, but I didn't really want anyone stopping by, because I didn't feel like eating anything or getting out of bed to see anyone. However, I did find myself wishing Jonathan was around to assure me that my fever would eventually break & I was not going to die, to feed the animals, let the dogs out regularly, make me drink water and eat something when I didn't feel like it, etc. Most of the time, I feel very okay with the divorce, but there have been a few moments where I found myself feeling very alone and angry about being alone.
Last night, I pulled myself out of bed and drove downtown to see an old boyfriend play a show. He doesn't live in Nashville, and I only run into him every few years, so I didn't want to skip out on the chance to catch up. Even though I was exhausted, I am so glad I went. I dated him in the early stages of my brainstorming about The Green Wagon, and he knew a lot of the obstacles that I had to push through. I had completely forgotten about that, but he brought it up last night, and in the most sincere tone, told me how proud he was of me for all I have accomplished, but mostly for overcoming those obstacles that he felt would have stopped most people before they ever really got started. I needed to hear that. I think we all need people to remind us every now and then of what we're capable of achieving. I've let myself feel insignificant and directionless and powerless lately (in my professional life), even though I know that I am none of those things. I needed to be reminded of what I am like when I am my most determined and fiercely-focused self.
