"You have to do the best with the limits of language. So, you have to teach the word to change its mind." -Ted Hazelton (written on a napkin mid-conversation at Cafe Nonna on 6/19/09)
This week has been full of young and old friends. I got a phone call out of the blue a few days ago from a woman I had never talked to. She explained her name was Cindy and that she was cleaning out Ted Hazelton's apartment. My heart sank. I thought she was going to tell me Ted had passed away. Then she went on and explained that she had found a letter I had written Ted & wanted to let me know that he was in a nursing home and about to move back to London.
Ted and I became friends at the Murphy Road Green Wagon location. He lived around the corner (his US residence) and would stop by almost every single day to say hello on his way to the corner store to buy bananas and milk. We would talk about poetry, philosophy, and Ted would tell me jokes constantly. Some of them made sense, some didn't. I laughed at all of them, because his laughter is contagious. Several times he invited me over to watch a British comedy that came on the TV late at night. Ted had more of a social life than most people I know. Every time I saw him, he was on his way to a basketball game at Vandy, to the gym, to a conference in California, etc etc. Jonathan and I invited Ted to our wedding reception, and Ted danced more than any person at the party that night. He never stopped moving. He always had bad sight, but always somehow also had the most beautiful women helping him cross the street! Ha.
Ted and I became friends at the Murphy Road Green Wagon location. He lived around the corner (his US residence) and would stop by almost every single day to say hello on his way to the corner store to buy bananas and milk. We would talk about poetry, philosophy, and Ted would tell me jokes constantly. Some of them made sense, some didn't. I laughed at all of them, because his laughter is contagious. Several times he invited me over to watch a British comedy that came on the TV late at night. Ted had more of a social life than most people I know. Every time I saw him, he was on his way to a basketball game at Vandy, to the gym, to a conference in California, etc etc. Jonathan and I invited Ted to our wedding reception, and Ted danced more than any person at the party that night. He never stopped moving. He always had bad sight, but always somehow also had the most beautiful women helping him cross the street! Ha.
Ted also has a flat right on the edge of Regent's Park in London, and would go there for about three to four months out of the year. I kept stopping by his apartment in Nashville to see if he was back, but felt something was off. I assumed he hadn't made it back to Nashville, and feared he had possibly passed away...until the phone rang the other day and Cindy explained that Ted had fallen down the steps outside of his apartment in February (he lived on the 3rd floor of a walkup with only metal exterior steps), and had a serious head injury and had been in the hospital since. She also explained that Ted had recently been moved to a nursing home and his nephew was coming to pick him up and take him back to London (permanently) on Saturday morning. She gave me the address, if I wanted to visit him.
Today I went to see Ted. It had been about a year since I had seen him (before he left for London the last time). I was nervous that his two serious accidents had caused too much damage for him to remember me. I walked through the nursing home and asked a nurse if she knew where Dr. Hazelton was. She pointed to a man sitting only a few feet away, facing the other direction. I tapped on his shoulder and knelt down next to his wheelchair. It was clear his vision was gone. He always had terrible hearing, so I started to slowly explain who I was. He kept telling me I was talking too fast and was really confused. A part of me knew this was a possibility, but I was still about to cry. I kept repeating my name and who I was and how I knew him. I didn't know what to do. It wasn't working. A nurse walked over and asked if she could help. It still didn't work. He kept asking who I was and why I was there, and I kept repeating, "Ted, my name is Jennifer. I am here to visit you." Several times he asked, "Why?" I said, "Because you are my friend." Nothing.
All of a sudden something clicked for him, and he remembered who I was. I'm sure it was hard...I was completely out of context and he couldn't see me or hear me very well. Anyhow, once it registered, his face lit up. It was time for lunch, so I wheeled him over to his table. He sat alone in the dining room. The nurses said he liked sitting alone by the window. There was a single placemat at the table. This made me sad to think that he had been lonely all this time, and I hadn't been there to listen to his jokes. It was clear that while he had lost his sight, his hearing, and the use of his legs, he still had his British sense of humor. He said he had been thinking about my wedding reception and his visit to my house a lot the last few days and hoping he would get to see me or Jonathan again before he moved.....like he somehow knew I might be coming. I was so overwhelmed with emotion. Just the feeling of being remembered was a huge gift.
All of a sudden something clicked for him, and he remembered who I was. I'm sure it was hard...I was completely out of context and he couldn't see me or hear me very well. Anyhow, once it registered, his face lit up. It was time for lunch, so I wheeled him over to his table. He sat alone in the dining room. The nurses said he liked sitting alone by the window. There was a single placemat at the table. This made me sad to think that he had been lonely all this time, and I hadn't been there to listen to his jokes. It was clear that while he had lost his sight, his hearing, and the use of his legs, he still had his British sense of humor. He said he had been thinking about my wedding reception and his visit to my house a lot the last few days and hoping he would get to see me or Jonathan again before he moved.....like he somehow knew I might be coming. I was so overwhelmed with emotion. Just the feeling of being remembered was a huge gift.
We spent an hour catching up and talking. He kept saying, "Thank you so much for allowing me to see you again before I move. I'd so hoped you would find me."
Ted poked fun at the way the nursing home made his hot tea. He told jokes. Again, some made sense to me, some didn't, but they all made me laugh. I laughed until my face hurt from smiling.
Ted will be 88 on September 3rd. He is one of my favorite people on the planet. He is brilliant, kind and doesn't take himself seriously...at all. I'm grateful for his friendship and his wisdom.
Ted poked fun at the way the nursing home made his hot tea. He told jokes. Again, some made sense to me, some didn't, but they all made me laugh. I laughed until my face hurt from smiling.
Ted will be 88 on September 3rd. He is one of my favorite people on the planet. He is brilliant, kind and doesn't take himself seriously...at all. I'm grateful for his friendship and his wisdom.
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