One of my sweetest and funniest friends is moving to London....

"You have to do the best with the limits of language. So, you have to teach the word to change its mind." -Ted Hazelton (written on a napkin mid-conversation at Cafe Nonna on 6/19/09)

This week has been full of young and old friends. I got a phone call out of the blue a few days ago from a woman I had never talked to. She explained her name was Cindy and that she was cleaning out Ted Hazelton's apartment. My heart sank. I thought she was going to tell me Ted had passed away. Then she went on and explained that she had found a letter I had written Ted & wanted to let me know that he was in a nursing home and about to move back to London.

Ted and I became friends at the Murphy Road Green Wagon location. He lived around the corner (his US residence) and would stop by almost every single day to say hello on his way to the corner store to buy bananas and milk. We would talk about poetry, philosophy, and Ted would tell me jokes constantly. Some of them made sense, some didn't. I laughed at all of them, because his laughter is contagious. Several times he invited me over to watch a British comedy that came on the TV late at night. Ted had more of a social life than most people I know. Every time I saw him, he was on his way to a basketball game at Vandy, to the gym, to a conference in California, etc etc. Jonathan and I invited Ted to our wedding reception, and Ted danced more than any person at the party that night. He never stopped moving. He always had bad sight, but always somehow also had the most beautiful women helping him cross the street! Ha.

Ted also has a flat right on the edge of Regent's Park in London, and would go there for about three to four months out of the year. I kept stopping by his apartment in Nashville to see if he was back, but felt something was off. I assumed he hadn't made it back to Nashville, and feared he had possibly passed away...until the phone rang the other day and Cindy explained that Ted had fallen down the steps outside of his apartment in February (he lived on the 3rd floor of a walkup with only metal exterior steps), and had a serious head injury and had been in the hospital since. She also explained that Ted had recently been moved to a nursing home and his nephew was coming to pick him up and take him back to London (permanently) on Saturday morning. She gave me the address, if I wanted to visit him.

Today I went to see Ted. It had been about a year since I had seen him (before he left for London the last time). I was nervous that his two serious accidents had caused too much damage for him to remember me. I walked through the nursing home and asked a nurse if she knew where Dr. Hazelton was. She pointed to a man sitting only a few feet away, facing the other direction. I tapped on his shoulder and knelt down next to his wheelchair. It was clear his vision was gone. He always had terrible hearing, so I started to slowly explain who I was. He kept telling me I was talking too fast and was really confused. A part of me knew this was a possibility, but I was still about to cry. I kept repeating my name and who I was and how I knew him. I didn't know what to do. It wasn't working. A nurse walked over and asked if she could help. It still didn't work. He kept asking who I was and why I was there, and I kept repeating, "Ted, my name is Jennifer. I am here to visit you." Several times he asked, "Why?" I said, "Because you are my friend." Nothing.

All of a sudden something clicked for him, and he remembered who I was. I'm sure it was hard...I was completely out of context and he couldn't see me or hear me very well. Anyhow, once it registered, his face lit up. It was time for lunch, so I wheeled him over to his table. He sat alone in the dining room. The nurses said he liked sitting alone by the window. There was a single placemat at the table. This made me sad to think that he had been lonely all this time, and I hadn't been there to listen to his jokes. It was clear that while he had lost his sight, his hearing, and the use of his legs, he still had his British sense of humor. He said he had been thinking about my wedding reception and his visit to my house a lot the last few days and hoping he would get to see me or Jonathan again before he moved.....like he somehow knew I might be coming. I was so overwhelmed with emotion. Just the feeling of being remembered was a huge gift.

We spent an hour catching up and talking. He kept saying, "Thank you so much for allowing me to see you again before I move. I'd so hoped you would find me."

Ted poked fun at the way the nursing home made his hot tea. He told jokes. Again, some made sense to me, some didn't, but they all made me laugh. I laughed until my face hurt from smiling.

Ted will be 88 on September 3rd. He is one of my favorite people on the planet. He is brilliant, kind and doesn't take himself seriously...at all. I'm grateful for his friendship and his wisdom.

Lessons Learned

Hung out with Miss M & Mister J last night. Mister J was having a rough day. Miss M had apparently had a delicious popsicle while Mister J was at climbing camp, eating what he described as, "the worst granola bar on earth." He had also thought he might get to ride bikes with his dad, but that didn't work out before I got there.

I had decided that we should go on a picnic. While we were going to get food for the picnic, Mister J was visibly upset. He kept snapping at Miss M, so I said, "Why are you being mean to Miss M? Are you really feeling sad instead?" He started crying and said yes, that he was just really disappointed and felt like no matter what he did, everything kept going wrong. I almost started crying right along with him. Instead, I told him I had been having the same feelings the past few years, and that I had started trying to not have expectations of how I think things should happen. He stopped crying and looked out the window for a bit, seriously considering what I had just said. He said, "But I don't know how to do that, Miss Jennifer." I almost started crying again and wanted to say, "I don't either, buddy." Instead, I just said, "Well, it takes practice."

While waiting for our pizza to be made for the picnic, I mentioned patience. Miss M's face lit up and she said, "That reminds me of the song temmmmmmmmptations" and broke into some song I've never heard. I explained to her that patience and temptation weren't the same word and gave her definitions and examples of both. She said (in a very sincere voice), "Oh, Miss Jennifer, tell me more stories like that!" I grinned.

After I carried Miss M to bed and was tucking Mister J in bed, I asked if his day had gotten better. He smiled and said yes. Then he asked what I would do if he caught a great white shark in the lake near my house. I'm realizing kids are the absolute best teachers. (Photo above of Mister J & Miss M eating Backyard Mint & Lemon Blueberry Ice Cream from Hot & Cold.)

I ate dinner in the Bermuda Triangle...

I was returning the unused/unworn wardrobe from the music video tonight until about 8:30. I was in Green Hills, exhausted and not feeling like making dinner once I finally drove across town to my house. I had gotten a gift certificate for a restaurant (Firefly) in the Green Hills area about a year ago. I had been saving it for a special occasion, and had made plans with friends several times to try to use it over the past few months or so, but the plans always fell through. Tonight I spontaneously decided to take myself out on a date and use the certificate. Why the heck not, right?

I had never been to Firefly. It is a fairly small restaurant tucked back on a side street. I walked in and sat at the bar. Besides a waitress who was eating after her shift, I was the only one in the bar area. They were closing in 30 minutes, so I ordered quickly and planned on taking home what I couldn't finish in time. I was drinking a glass of wine and half-watching this ridiculous dancing show on TV when a couple came walking through the door. They first noticed the waitress, who had lived in the same building as the man and knew the woman independently from another job. They were amazed at the coincidence that they all knew each other, then I realized quickly that I knew the man from Vanderbilt's poetry program (and the poet I ran into in yoga class and mentioned in a blog post recently)! They were also looking to grab a quick bite. It was their first time in Firefly as well.

We were chatting and realized we are all independently friends with a local woman who makes candles. The couple asked me about The Green Wagon (they along with the waitress had all been in the store recently). The bartender was making some chocolate/orange after dinner drinks for a table and overheard "The Green Wagon," and asked if I knew Johnny and Tara, who now own and run the East Nashville Green Wagon. I did (obviously) & he knew them because they used to work at Firefly. (Johnny and Tara were the ones who gave me the gift certificate.) Is your brain hurting yet?

We were talking about how all of these connections were really interesting, considering how random it was that we were all there on the same night. As we were discussing this, the people who had been drinking the chocolate/orange drinks headed out the front door, and the woman (from the couple) realized she knew the woman walking out the door. The chocolate/orange drinkers came over to say hi to her and sat down. The chocolate/orange drink woman looked very familiar to me. I mentioned this to her & she agreed I looked familiar too. This happens to me a lot....I'll be out in public and recognize a face and not be able to place it. Mostly, it is because I've met so many people through being in the store for years, and usually that is where I've seen them before, so I assumed she had shopped at the store at some point and that was why she looked familar. She leaned over and said, "This may sound weird, but weren't we on a boat together recently?" I almost fell off my bar stool. Everyone was already overwhelmed with the way this web was forming & this final connection just too much to be thrown up towards coincidence. Chocolate/orange drink woman and I had spent an afternoon on a friend's houseboat on Percy Priest Lake about two months ago. I've posted a picture on this blog from that day, actually. We all gasped and laughed. I caught myself really enjoying a dinner I thought would be spent alone and rushed. I am continuously amazed at how interconnected we all are, but this was to an extreme.

I had been saving that gift certificate for a "special occasion" for almost a year and thought I was walking in on an average Wednesday night to use it for the sake of just using it. It is obvious to me now that I was supposed to be sitting there tonight, and that tonight was that special occasion I had been waiting for without realizing it. It was one of those moments when the universe confirms that you are exactly in the place you were meant to be at that exact moment, and that somehow, even though you're whole life has felt off track, you are getting some kind of unmistakable sign that you've found yourself back to the track and are going to be okay. Life is amazing.

My Wednesday Morning with Miss M

I've been exhausted lately. I was talking to a good friend this morning (she happens to be 4 year-old) and she asked me what I had been doing lately. I started rattling everything off and she said, "That's a lot of jobs, Miss Jennifer!" I realized that I am juggling five part-time jobs right now....and several side projects. No wonder I'm always so tired! They are all things I'm interested in, but I've been feeling worn out lately, and I haven't been keeping up with my yoga classes and hiking goals I set for myself at all for the past week or so. Mainly, yoga classes aren't offered during the little "free" time I do have. I've also been leaving the house really early and getting home really late for work....not ideal for hiking, but I realized this morning that there is also some choice in that. There is always choice in everything. I keep taking every single opportunity for work that comes my way, which is great, but what is it ultimately costing me in non-monetary ways?

I feel conflicted, because I know I need the money right now, but I also know that I need to change my overall perspective/patterns to make my health my number one priority. What I have done in the past hasn't worked, so why am I letting myself fall back into those old patterns again? The past few weeks, I've been letting work be more important than taking care of myself. Maybe it is easier for me to be busy as hell and use that as an excuse to not be good to myself. Why is that so hard?

Anyhow, I got home really late last night & had to get up at 6:45 this morning to get the animals all settled before heading off to hang with Miss M this morning. I was exhausted and feeling stressed out about all of the errands/tasks/jobs I was already trying to juggle in my head for the day....babysit, go to P.O. Box to pick up package, drop off dry cleaning for client, go work at the store, go to return unused wardrobe from the video shoot, etc, etc, etc. The past two days of work have been fun, but solid 12+ hour days in and out of the heat. I wanted to push past my exhaustion and think of something fun to do with Miss M this morning. Her dad had thrown out a couple of ideas before she woke up, but I wasn't sure what we would end up doing. I kept trying to think of something free, but all of the obvious options didn't make sense in the heat wave. Finally, I thought, "Oh well, let's go to the tea house and have a tea party." Miss M is *such* a lady. She is convinced she is a princess, wears sparkly shoes and ball gowns the majority of the time. I've known her since she was two & started coming in The Green Wagon. Miss M & her family quickly became some of my favorite customers & some of my dearest friends.

Ok, so there we are this morning, having dropped her older brother off at climbing camp. I'm driving the family mini van & I turn around to ask Miss M if she would like to go to the tea house and have a tea party. You would have thought I told her I was taking her to meet a room full of real life princesses. She flipped. We got there & the tea house didn't open for another 20 minutes, so we made clover crowns in the front yard of the tea house and waited. Once they opened, Miss M flew through the door and was the first to show me the teacup display, where you could pick out your own beautiful cup. Then she pulled me into her favorite room....there were lovely fancy hats hanging all along the walls and a few vintage suitcases overflowing with elegant gloves. Miss M picked out hats and gloves for the both of us. We both agreed on the Bohemian Raspberry Tea & Miss M insisted that I try the scones. She also insisted on speaking in a British accent the whole time we were there & made me pretend like I was the queen and she was the princess. Within 45 seconds of being there with her, I was wearing a ridiculous hat, long formal gloves and speaking in a British accent, referring to myself as a queen. How had this little pint-sized lady done this? How had she turned my whole day around and made me relaxed and happy and silly and royal?

It was simple. She had done this just by being completely present. I adored this morning. I ordered a second pot of tea in a silly formal accent from the very understanding waitress. I ordered more scones for Miss M. It was one of the most enjoyable mornings I've had in quite a while. I forgot about the bill or if it was going to be more than I would normally spend on myself (it ended up being surprisingly cheap, actually). In the moment, I didn't care. I was over-caffeinated and happy.

Then we went and held puppies and kittens at a local shelter for a while before going to pick up her big brother from camp. I am pretty sure scones weren't the healthiest breakfast option for my "get healthy by 30" quest, but this morning was an exception. I was a queen and Miss M and I were on top of the world. I am so grateful for my sweet friend.

It is hotter than snot(ter) in the Cumberland Valley

I worked as a stylist today on the set of a music video. I heard at one point that the heat index was at 110 (and it was about 4000% humidity)! The shoot was outside, and it was so hot that the cameras kept shutting down. I'm convinced the makeup artist has magical powers and should be given a medal. Do you know how hard it must be to make someone look like they aren't sweating when it is 110 degrees and swampy humid? I was impressed. Tomorrow is the photo shoot for the same artist. It is supposed to be even warmer tomorrow, but luckily the location is indoors for this one.

Had to make a quick stop by the men's department of Macy's this morning to exchange some of the wardrobe for different sizes. The man from before was there. He didn't seem to remember me at all. I'm going to take that as a good thing. Heck, I'll take it as anything, as long as he didn't ask me the due date again! Haha. Oh, there I go. There is the laughter. I knew I'd find a way to laugh about it....even if it is a virtual laugh.

Watch out, Thirty...I'm armed with a Fitbit!

My mom is awesome. She has been really supportive in my quest to get healthier. We've been talking for some time about encouraging each other to be more active by making it into a mini competition of sorts. I got to talk to her briefly while I was on my way to work today & she told me that she had just ordered us both this gadget called FitBit (www.fitbit.com). At first I thought it sounded like a fancy pedometer, but the more she explained it to me and the more I read about it online, the more excited I am getting for it to arrive. It is partly a pedometer, which will definitely encourage me to move more since that number is going to be staring me in the face all day, but it also tracks your sleep patterns. It can tell you how long it took you to fall asleep and how many times you woke up throughout the night, exactly how many hours and minutes of actual sleep you got, etc.

I've had sleeping issues for the past few years, so I'm really curious to see just how much sleep I am getting now, and then start figuring out what helps me get a better night's rest. I went to a doctor who told me that she thinks my sleep issues are related to the cysts I have on my ovaries and the small tumor (benign! don't worry) I have in my uterus, which mess with some of my hormone levels and cause me to be hypoglycemic, which causes disrupted sleep patterns. She explained that the sensation of my blood sugar dropping is enough to wake me up, but not enough for me to register why I am waking up, so I just keep trying to fall back asleep. We're working on a solution for getting rid of the cysts, but in the meantime there are things I can do to help keep my blood sugar up at night....like eat a cracker with peanut butter on it or something else with protein before going to bed.

For a while I was also taking this natural amino acid called 5HTP to help me sleep. It helped a LOT and I told people all the time that it had changed my life. I really need to go get some more. I don't know why I stopped taking it other than I just ran out and probably convinced myself that I didn't have enough money to go buy more. Isn't that awful? Why on earth would I stop doing something that was drastically improving my well being? I'm not okay with that. (Shaking a disapproving finger at myself.)

Anyhow, it will be interesting to see what I learn from the sleep tracking part of the device. They also have a great website where you can log in and track trends in your diet. It will tell you if you're eating too much of one thing (protein/fats/carbs/etc) or need a higher percentage of something else in your daily diet. I know sometimes I get too busy to think about what I already ate, what I'm eating and what I'm going to eat later. Looking forward to this little gadget doing that thinking for me & helping me find the right balance. I'll keep you updated on what I'm learning once it gets here. Thanks again, Mom!

Slapping Water

I had a dream about my ex last night. Not my husband, but my ex before him. I was touching his face, but his face was fuller than it was when I knew him. He seemed annoyed. I said I was sorry for touching his face. That is all I can remember of the dream. I've spent the past several years working on and moving through the crazy experience my ex gave me. For those of you who don't know what happened, that is for another blog post or an entire other book. Anyhow, all you need to know is that it was something I thought I was finished with, and I woke up angry that he appeared in my dreams. I woke up angry that the work wasn't finished.

A friend told me today, "Don't get frustrated that you aren't finished with it. It is only still there because there is a nugget of gold in it that you still haven't taken from it. It is the difference between slapping your hand on a pool of water and spinning your finger in that pool of water. If you slap your hand on water, you create ripples, and those ripples push the solution away. If you stir or spin the water with your finger, the solutions you want start spinning towards you." This was such an accurate and beautiful image that I almost threw up. He was exactly right. So thankful.